published in Boundaries, Confrontation, Humour, Inspiration, Wisdom by Maryanne | December 10, 2019 | No Comment
Beware of Mrs. Claws
Crazy Mrs. Claws photographed by Roxanne Low
“What we learn with pleasure we never forget.”
– Alfred Mercier
Oh, the joys of being 50-plus & thus no longer having much of a filter…
So I was on the plane the other day, trying to snooze on an evening flight. As we all know, Mrs. Claus needs her rest this time of year. About half way through the flight, the guy behind me decided to start sliding his meal tray back and forth, back and forth. Yes, that’s the right…the meal tray attached to the back of my chair.
I let him do this for about, oh…90 seconds. Then I turned around to have a little chat. He momentarily stopped sliding his tray and stared at me, stunned. He was about my age and rather handsome.
Now, he wasn’t stunned because he thought he was going to get into trouble (which he would soon find out) but rather because the mere sight of me was somewhat alarming in and of itself.
I was wearing an eye mask (with big letters that said “HUNGOVER” – which I wasn’t but he didn’t know that), the hood of my vest was up (which dramatically increases my “Don’t mess with me” look), plus I was wearing headphones and earplugs.
So after letting him have a good look at the irritated creature he was now going to be dealing with, I moved my eye mask to the top of my head, removed my headphones and ear plugs and gave him The Look.
“What?” he says.
“What do you think, what?” I say back.
“Was this bothering you?” he asks, then proceeds to give me another demonstration of his tray-sliding trick.
“Yes,” I say. “It was.”
“Oh,” he says. “I’m sorry.”
But I wasn’t finished. Oh no.
“What,” I ask, “would possess you to think that I wouldn’t feel you sliding that tray and back and forth?”
“Uhhh…”
“Exactly,” I say. “What are you…eight?”
“No! I just – ”
I shook my head and wagged my finger at him, big smile on my face. “You just STOP that right now,” I say. “No more sliding of the tray. Deal?”
He smiles. “Okay.”
Then I turned back around and fell fast asleep for the duration of the flight.
After we landed, I stood up, looked at the guy and smiled.
“Did I behave myself?” he asks.
“Yes,” I reply. “You were good as gold. Thank you.”
Then I pointed to the luggage compartment above his head. “Now could you get my bag down for me?”
He looked at me. “What’s the magic word?”
“Please,” I say. “But make it snappy, would ya? People are waiting.”
To which we both threw back our heads and laughed.
“You’re just like my wife” he says. “You gave me heck but you were smiling while you did it.”
“That,” I say (with a wink and a smile), “is because it’s a very effective strategy.”
Crazy Mrs Claws
As mentioned in a blog a few weeks ago, the professional photographer, Roxanne Low, was on hand at the First Chance Christmas Craft Show in Sidney, BC. As perhaps you can imagine, we had an awful lot of laughs doing the Mrs Claws photo shoot (photo at top of blog).
Here are few more photos of the Pink Gazelle Cards & Creations table & wares taken by Roxanne at the First Chance show:
Wax & tissue prints by Melanie Pope
Wise Owl Wisdom quote cards
A Wolf Called Nakoda story sets
Hand painted sand dollar decorations
All of the above products are available in our Etsy store (except the Wax & Tissue prints – if you are interested in those, please e-mail me).
I will be at Last Chance Christmas Craft Show in Sidney Dec 14th & 15th
If you are in the Sidney area, pop by and say hi. I will NOT be in my Crazy Mrs Claws outfit…and I WILL be nice to you. Promise 🙂
Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening, the playwright of Saviour and the screenwriter of God’s Country. Maryanne is CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and Chair of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. If you would like to receive her weekly blog, please sign up here.
published in Boundaries, Humour, Travel by Maryanne | February 6, 2019 | 10 Comments
Of All the Gin Joints…
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
– Famous line from the film, “Casablanca”
Call for stories about ANNOYING PEOPLE ON PLANES
What does Casablanca have to do with annoying people on planes? I’ll tell you what!
Picture this: you’re on an evening flight to a tropical paradise for a much-anticipated vacation. The plane has just taken off. You lean your head back and let out a sigh of relief that you’re even on the plane because you’ve just endured six dizzying weeks of vertigo. Both your doctor and physiotherapist have given you the green light to go on your holiday…just as long as you take it easy, stay quiet and for goodness sake: no sudden head movements!
Ahh…but the woman in the seat behind you has different plans.
Even before take-off, she begins to talk. And when I say talk, I mean TALK…about anything, to anyone in her vicinity. And when those people stop listening, she stands in the aisle and chats to whoever has made the dumb decision to stretch their legs. But of course, when she goes to stand up (for the fifth time), she puts her hand on your headrest, hauls herself up with a mighty heave-ho then releases your chair, thereby delivering a nice foreword snap to your head…just in case you had somehow managed to doze off during the non-stop talk-fest.
Surely, you think, this dreadfully annoying 70-year-old woman will tire out eventually…right? I mean, she can’t talk for entire flight…right?
Oh, you bet she can. And she did. Here are a few gems from her repertoire (which I happen to remember because they were repeated multiple times):
“I can’t sleep! I am not tired AT ALL!”
“This is the longest flight EVER.”
“It’s funny but I’m just NOT TIRED.”
Seven hours later, Chatty Cathy was still talking. She did not stop talking for the entire flippin’ flight…oh, except for the occasional three-second interval when she paused just long enough to give the back of my traveling companion’s chair a nice big KICK that again projected her head forward at vertigo-inducing speed.
Was she crossing her legs? Practicing a karate move? Doing chair yoga?
Toddlers behave better than this on airplanes (but only if they have decent parents who tell them not to kick the chair in front of them, etc). Well…most of the time. There was the flight home, after all. More on that in a moment.
Thankfully (despite the odds), my traveling companion’s vertigo did not flare up again. And after a few days, we were even able to laugh about the annoying woman on the plane…knowing we would likely never see her again.
Then we went for lunch at Tommy Bahamas. And I kid you not but in walks none other than Chatty Cathy (and her entourage of listeners) and sits at the table next to us. I saw her before my friend did and when she saw Chatty Cathy, the look on her face was priceless. She shook her head and said, “Of all the gin joints…”
To which I roared with laughter.
“Sweet biscuits,” she said with a sigh, “what are the chances?”
I roared even louder. Chatty Cathy and her friends promptly stood up (who wants to sit beside noisy people?) and moved to the bar…a wise decision for all concerned (except for the poor bartender who had no idea what the next seven hours had in store for him).
As for our flight home? Yup…there was a toddler who screamed the entire flight. Not sure what was going on there but this much I do know: if a child is in distress or discomfort (or is just a brat) that’s one thing. When a 70-year-old woman behaves like a brat, that is quite another.
Do you have any stories about annoying people on planes? If so, I’d love to hear them, including how you handled the situation!
In the meantime, here’s lookin’ at you kid 😊
Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening, the playwright of Saviour and the screenwriter of God’s Country. Maryanne is CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and Chair of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. If you would like to receive her regular weekly blog, please sign up here. As a thank you, you’ll receive a short but saucy e-book entitled, Dive into this Chicago Deep Dish – Ten Bite-Sized Steps for a Yummier Slice of Life.
published in Boundaries, Inspiration, Intuition, Travel by Maryanne | February 7, 2018 | 14 Comments
Dipstick Theme Continues – Don’t Get Excited
MA & Sadie on the beach at Florence, OR
“We find after years of struggle that we don’t take a trip; a trip takes us.”
– John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley; In Search of America
Well…here it is another week later and we’re all another week older and wiser, myself included.
I think.
Have you ever been in the middle of an experience and something didn’t feel quite right?
I had a sports massage by a male massage therapist last week and although nothing went particularly wrong, the experience didn’t feel entirely right either. Too many grunts and groans (from him) perhaps…or maybe it was the way his face (and other body parts – but NOT the dipstick, thank goodness!) just seemed to be closer to me than necessary. Or maybe it was the way he said my name…multiple times?
Or a combination of all of the above.
As a woman traveling alone, I am adamant about personal safety. I do everything in my power to ensure I don’t put myself or Sadie in potentially unsafe situations. So when I booked that massage, I did my best to choose a seemingly reputable place. And to be honest, I think it was a reputable place. I just think my massage therapist was trying to let me know that, if I was interested (I wasn’t), he was open to the possibility of…a little post-massage activity.
Or maybe I read the whole thing wrong?
But I don’t think so. And the relief I felt when I got back to my car told me I was probably right.
Other than that odd and rather uncomfortable experience, Sadie and I had an awesome week!
As promised, here are a few photos of my beautiful little (and oh-so-quiet) bungalow by the sea VRBO in Florence:
The lived-in look 🙂
The 10-minute trek to the beach was quite something, though. It’s called the hobbit trail – for good reason!
My pink gazelle Adidas in action!
And then voila! The beach:
We also climbed some HUGE dunes…and then ran down them!
I have fond memories of traipsing the dunes of Florence from past trips. John and I were there on our honeymoon in 1996. It was so windy at the very top of one of the dunes, we opened up our arms and leaned right into the wind without falling over! Then in 2010, my friend, Terri, and I stopped in Florence on a big road trip with Sable and Soda (my old Shepherds). Sable was 13 at that point and blind, so she stayed in the car. Soda, Terri and I huffed and puffed our way to the top of a massive dune. Soda was 10 and rather hefty but she made it!
Sadie half-way down a dune…hurry up, Momma!
We are now in Crescent City in Northern California, hiking in the spectacular Redwoods. Photos to come!
Take care and have a super week 🙂
If you are new to reading about this writing road trip, here are the previous blogs:
Write On – Writing What We Know May Help Teach Us What We Need to Learn
Surprise! Greetings from Newport
Is That a Dipstick in Your Pocket – Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening, the playwright of Saviour and the screenwriter of God’s Country. Maryanne is CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and Chair of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. If you would like to receive her regular weekly blog, please sign up here. As a thank you, you’ll receive a short but saucy e-book entitled, Dive into this Chicago Deep Dish – Ten Bite-Sized Steps for a Yummier Slice of Life.