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Dealing with Dread

Dealing with Dread & the Benefits of Being Back in the Saddle


MA speaking holding AWA
Maryanne speaking at BC Police-based Victim Services Conference, Surrey, BC 2010

  You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

– Eleanor Roosevelt

Is there a task or activity you used to do, and know you need to return to doing, but still manage to come up with every excuse in the book not to? Something you’ve deliberately been avoiding…perhaps even dreading?

For me, it was public speaking. Despite delivering dozens of presentations over the years, standing in front of a room full of people was never something I was comfortable doing, let alone found enjoyment in. It was, however, an activity I was reasonable good at – and one I suspected was important. I just wasn’t entirely sure why.

But a few years ago, I reached a point where my anxiety about an upcoming presentation became an issue. I would get nervous weeks in advance and that anxiety, not surprisingly, spilled over into other aspects of my life. The date of an upcoming presentation loomed like a shadow over my days – and the closer I got to presentation-day, the stronger the sense of dread. By the time the actual date arrived, I was a bundle of nerves.

Clearly, if I was going to continue public speaking, something would have to change.

The first step was obvious: stop delivering presentations. So I did. And I focused my energies on writing, my company and enjoying the time I had left with my elderly dog, Soda. I also came across an excellent book entitled, Start With Why, by Simon Sinok. So I asked myself: why was it important that I resume delivering presentations?

My answer was threefold:

1. Because the workplace safety messages could save a life

2. Because the personal nature of my story evokes an emotional response with people, thereby increasing the potential for a change in behaviour

3. Because communicating via the spoken word reaches a different audience than the written word

Fair enough. But I think I’d known all that before – and in the long run, it hadn’t been enough to ease my anxiety as a public speaker. So last summer, I sought out the advice of Brian Willis, a mentor of mine who is a highly effective professional public speaker.

“Here’s the deal,” Brian said, referring to Nancy Duarte’s Harvard Business Review Guide to Persuasive Presentations: “the person presenting is not the hero in the room. The hero is the audience. It is up to the people hearing the presentation who will determine whether or not they’ll actually take the messages they’ve heard and implement them in their own lives in some way. That’s what determines whether a speaker is effective or not. Unfortunately, many speakers never figure this out. They think it’s all about them.”

Upon hearing this, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I realized that when I did get back to public speaking, I didn’t have to be perfect. I just had to do my job as a presenter and reach the audience in a way that had the best chance of inspiring them to take action.

But how best to do this, without being a nervous wreck living in constant dread of the next presentation?

Well, when the time came for me to prepare for a presentation last month – get back in the saddle after a few years away! – I turned to another piece of advice by Brian Willis: practice, practice, practice.

The purpose of this strategy, Brian had explained, is to train the mind so that it knows the story. So when I’m up in front of the audience, I’m not trying to remember what comes next because I’ve already pre-programmed it into my brain. In other words, I don’t need to focus on remembering the story – I just need to tell it.

In the weeks leading up to the presentation, I thought about what I wanted to say – but I didn’t experience any anxiety. I did, however, have a game-plan. And so, a mere four days before the presentation, I calmly jotted down the key points I wanted to make and the rough chronological order of the story I wished to share.

The next morning, I read the notes once then put them aside. Then I stood in my living room and delivered a rough version of the presentation…and I do mean rough. For not only was I all over the place in terms of telling the story, I also couldn’t stop crying. By the time I got to the part about seeing my husband, John, in the hospital for the first time since his fall, I was sobbing uncontrollably.

This emotional response had not been factored into my plan. And in between sobs, I thought to myself, Oh no! What if this happens when I’m actually delivering the presentation?

So I took a deep breath and exhaled – and it hit me that while the time away from delivering presentations had been good for me on many fronts, the biggest benefit may well have been that I had finally given my heart a chance to fully heal.

Perhaps the tears in my living room were a good sign? For the story of John’s easily preventable death is sad – which is precisely why it can be such an effective conduit for change. Maybe I needed to really feel all those difficult emotions again, so as to help me deliver a more effective presentation? At any rate, I called it a day and just had to have faith in the process.

The next day, I delivered the presentation to my living room walls again – and cried significantly less. Hooray!

The next day I took a break and didn’t even think about the presentation, let alone practice it. Then the next day, I delivered it to my living room walls one final time – and I knew I was going to do just fine.

On presentation day, I made the decision not to take an outline, or any notes whatsoever, up with me to the podium. Notes had always been my baby blanket. Even if I didn’t have to refer to them, having them in my pocket made me feel more confident. But notes also meant structure and I didn’t want to be trying to remember to hit all my key points. Rather, I just wanted to share the story that I had already trained my brain to recall.

And that’s exactly what happened; Brian’s technique worked beautifully. I found my voice – and it was, to my surprise, the voice of a storyteller versus a “presenter.” My presentation wasn’t perfect. But it was real. It was honest. Yes, it was heartbreakingly sad (although I didn’t cry, the pregnant women in the audience didn’t fare so well) but the Q&A at the end was actually pretty funny (my post-widow love life is rather hilarious and, strangely enough, always of great interest to audiences).

And then there was the benefit that spilled over into the rest of my life. For I thoroughly enjoyed the next 3 weeks of my vacation…perhaps more so than I would have, had I not got back in the saddle as a speaker. For the sense of achievement that came from doing – to the best of my ability – the thing I thought I could not do, served to enhance my enjoyment of the more pleasurable things in life.

Five Tips to Help You Get Back In The Saddle:

1. If you know you need some time off from doing a task or activity, take it.

2. Ask yourself WHY it’s important that you return to doing that task or activity. If you can’t come up with a decent enough answer, then there’s your answer.

3. If you do decide to resume the task or activity, then come up with a game plan that will ensure you succeed. Educate yourself on how best to proceed.

4. Learn from your past mistakes – and apply those lessons moving forward.

5. Reward yourself for having the courage and wisdom to get back in the saddle…and enjoy the ride. Whatever it is, make it your own.

“Either you control your mind or it controls you.”

– Robin S. Sharma, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening and the playwright of Saviour. She is the CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and the Chair of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. If you would like to receive Maryanne’s weekly blog, please sign up here

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10 thoughts on “Dealing with Dread”

  1. I never would have guessed all this! You did an amazing job! Thanks for getting back on that saddle for us. It was a valuable night for us all.

  2. Way to go Maryanne! Your story and the messages you share have so much benefit to those who hear it. I’m so glad to hear that you’re telling it again through public speaking engagements.

  3. Thank you, Kristina! I was very comfortable delivering that presentation to Beyond the Blue on Feb 19th…it was SO much more enjoyable to have my confidence back and not have all the anxiety in the weeks leading up to presentation-day. The time away from delivering presentations was a very good thing 🙂
    Take care and hope you are well!

  4. Oh yes, I have delivered many more presentations since then. I do quite a bit of public speaking again now – and no longer dread it. I think the break away did me a world of good, actually!

    Thanks for reading, Lydia, and all the best to you in 2017 🙂

  5. Wonderful post Maryanne and I love real stories of fears and anxieties being met head on. What I really like here is ‘practice, practice, practice’..I remember when I had to deliver a best-man’s speech and I was so nervous. But for two weeks solid before the big day, every night i’d practice alone in my living room and speak to the wall. I’d figure out what worked and what didn’t and would gradually fine tune it, and even once I’d got it how I wanted it I’d still keep practicing so I could deliver the 20 minute speech naturally and with hardly any cues. It worked. On the day, once I got past the initial nervousness of getting up and starting it, I felt absolutely fine, because it was just like I was talking rather than giving a speech. Thank you for sharing.

  6. Oh you are SO right, Elliot: when it comes to public speaking, practice, practice, practice is the key to success. It is unbelievably effective! I loved your story about the best-man speech you delivered. I think a lot of times, people think that the old “best man speech” is one they can just “wing” and tell a few funny stories. But then they get up to the podium and they get nervous (and have had too much to drink to combat the nerves) and rush through it. But you can never get that opportunity back again to toast the groom!

    Thanks for reading 🙂

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