September 29th, 2010 – Newport, Oregon
Well, hello and a happy Wednesday to you!
Today’s THE day…the 10th anniversary of John’s death. I guess I must have done something right over the past decade because instead of sorrow, loss or regret, what I mostly feel this morning is…gratitude.
If someone had told me on Sept 29th, 2000, that ten years from now, I would be this damn happy, would I have believed them? Yes, I would have, actually. Because I knew that, even in the depths of that initial agony, things would, one day, get better again. I was going to make damn sure of that.
What I didn’t know, thankfully, was just how difficult that journey would be at times…and also that things were going to get a heck of a lot worse before they started getting better – in terms of the hurt, I mean.
But that part of the journey is over.
At the moment, I am in Newport, Oregon, listening to the pounding surf outside our hotel window. Ter and I went for dinner last night at Georgie’s restaurant just down the road. I mention this because my mom and I ate at this restaurant about eight years ago and I remember vividly two things about that night: 1) the crab! and 2) the sunset…it was so spectacular that, I kid you not, once the sun finally dropped down past the horizon, the entire restaurant broke out into applause!
This morning, Terri, Sable and Soda and I are getting ready to hit the road again. Today we’re headed to Florence, Oregon to see the sand dunes. In particular, we’re going to seek out the Honeyman Campground and hopefully access the dunes from there. I have a great picture of John standing on top of one of those massive sand dunes. He’s leaning into the wind, arms wide open…an image of freedom if I ever saw one. I think that shot was taken on a roadtrip we took down here when we were living in Abbotsford – before we were married.
Speaking of freedom, that’s another feeling I am experiencing today. But that’s connected to the gratitude.
I am grateful both for the gifts and lessons John’s life gave me – love/tough love, perseverance, dedication, commitment, passion – as well as the many gifts and lessons his death gave me, which includes financial freedom. Because of the person he was, the relationship we had and what he did for a living, it ended up that his death gave me the opportunity to pursue my dream of writing…which gave me new life.
That’s pretty powerful stuff in the love department – and I am eternally grateful 🙂
Gotta run…the road is waiting!
Maryanne, Sable, Soda & Ter