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When the Body Says No

When the body says no

Updated July 19th, 2021

When The Body Says No – We Best Listen

“When we have been prevented from learning how to say no, our bodies may end up saying it for us.”

– Gabor Maté

If you haven’t read Gabor Maté’s book, “When the Body Says No; The Cost of Hidden Stress,” I highly recommend it.

I read the book years ago. But when my body screamed “NO!” recently – when I was seriously considering saying yes (again) to a certain someone – I realized it was time to revisit the material.

The book delves into the possible role we may play in our own health…or lack thereof. It is not a comfortable read—especially for someone who is dealing with a serious illness.

In the author’s words:

“It is a sensitive matter to raise the possibility that the way people have been conditioned to live their lives may contribute to their illness.”

– Gabor Maté, “When the Body Says No”

Drawing on scientific research and the author’s decades of experience as a practicing physician, “When the Body Says No examines the effect of the mind-body connection on illness and health and the role that stress and one’s individual emotional makeup play in conditions and diseases such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome and multiple sclerosis.

Here are a few gems from the book:

“People have always understood intuitively that mind and body are not separable. Modernity has brought with it an unfortunate dissociation, a split between what we know with our whole being and what our thinking mind accepts as truth.”

“Our immune system does not exist in isolation from daily experience.”

“Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honour our deepest needs.”

“When emotions are repressed, this inhibition disarms the body’s defenses against illness.”

“Repression – dissociating emotions from awareness and relegating them to the unconscious realm – disorganizes and confuses our physiological defenses so that in some people these defenses go awry, becoming the destroyers of health rather than its protectors.”

“The research literature has identified three factors that universally lead to stress: uncertainty, the lack of information and the loss of control. All three are present in the lives of individuals with chronic illness.”

 “The blurring of psychological boundaries during childhood becomes a significant source of future physiological stress in the adult. There are ongoing negative effects on the body’s hormonal and immune systems, since people with indistinct personal boundaries live with stress; it is a permanent part of their daily experience to be encroached on by others. However, that is a reality they have learned to exclude from their direct awareness.”

  “Repression of anger increases the risk for cancer for the very practical reason that it magnifies exposure to physiological stress. If people are not able to recognize intrusion, or are unable to assert themselves, even when they do see a violation, they are likely to experience repeatedly the damage brought on by stress.”

“Physiological stress is the link between personality traits and disease. Certain traits – otherwise known as coping styles – magnify the risk for illness by increasing the likelihood of chronic stress. Common to them all is a diminished capacity for emotional communication.”

“The gut, or intestinal tract, is much more than an organ of digestion. It is a sensory apparatus with a nervous system of its own, intimately connected to the brain’s emotional centers.”

“Gut feelings, pleasant or unpleasant, are part of the body’s normal response to the world – they help us interpret what is happening around us and inform us whether we are safe or in danger.”

“The repression of negative emotion is a chronic and significant source of damaging stress.”

“Characteristics of many persons with rheumatoid diseases is a stoicism carried to an extreme degree, a deeply ingrained reticence about seeking help.” 

“Repressed anger will lead to disordered immunity. The inability to process and express feelings effectively, and the tendency to serve the needs of others before even considering one’s own, are common patterns in people who develop chronic illness.”

“The less powerful partner in any relationship will absorb a disproportionate amount of the shared anxiety – which is the reason that so many more women than men are treated for, say, anxiety or depression.”

 “Healthy anger leaves the individual, not the unbridled emotion, in charge.”

 “Health rests on three pillars: the body, the psyche and the spiritual connection. To ignore any one of them is to invite imbalance and dis-ease.”

Thankfully, I am in very good health. But my body’s resounding NO (flu-like aches, stomach tightening, nausea) to the person in question recently was a powerful reminder that if I want to stay healthy, I better smarten up and listen to the wisdom of my body.

We have every right to say no to whatever - or whoever - it is we need to say no to. We have every right to be angry if the situation calls for it. Click To Tweet

If we continue to say yes when our body is screaming no, then the day will likely come when our body says no for us.

As such, I am choosing to listen to my body when it says “no” through discomfort…rather than waiting for illness or disease to demand I listen.

How about you? Is your body trying to tell you something? 

Thanks for reading, take care & stay well!

Maryanne Pope is the author of “A Widow’s Awakening.” She also writes screenplays, playscripts and blogs. Maryanne is the CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and a Director with the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. To receive her blog, “Weekly Words of Wisdom,” please subscribe here.

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6 thoughts on “When the Body Says No”

  1. Thank you for reviewing this book. I’ve already ordered it. Knowing how to find your authentic No or your Yes is crucial for any decision. And clearly there is a cost when you can’t do that. When I help women discover their truth of whether to become a mother part of their journey is discovering when they were systematically steered away from knowing their truth or their yes or their no.

  2. Interesting! That makes a lot of sense, Ann: “Knowing how to find your authentic No or Yes is crucial for any decision.” I am going to think on THAT further!! Thank you 🙂

    I hope you enjoy “When the Body Says No” book. Well, okay…it’s not an ‘enjoyable’ read per se – but is a very educational one!

    Have a great day,

  3. Glad to see that this important book hit your radar. It really made me do a double-take and reconsider my wellness strategy. I’ve seen Dr. Mate’ and his son co-present on the topic of parent/adult child relationship. Great stuff! I hope that a book comes out of it.

  4. Hi Nellie,

    Oh, I bet that co-presentation would have been excellent…and yes, let’s hope there is a book to come out of it! I, too, am very glad the book, “When the Body Says No” hit my radar. I also found “Realm of the Hungry Ghost” fascinating (about addictions).

    Thanks for reading this blog and posting a feedback.
    Take care,

  5. That is awesome Maryanne,
    I have another book of Gabor Mate, but I still haven’t read it.
    I loved your read today!
    Will have time once the snow flies here in November!
    You keep well!

  6. Thanks Ildiko! The other Gabor Mate book I read was “In the Realm of the Hungry Ghost” – about addiction. Wow! That was brilliant, as well. And I am really looking forward to watching his new film about trauma.

    Take care, thanks for reading & enjoy the rest of summer!

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