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It’s Not About the Sext

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It’s Not About the Sext


Hah…that got your attention!

I had a delightful romance this past summer…short but sweet. Unfortunately, it ended rather abruptly over a sexting incident, of all things.

Now prior to this, to me the concept of “sexting” was just that: a concept. It was something I’d heard of but had never personally participated in.

My summer fling was with a fellah in his late fifties. We met in June, went on a couple dates, had a few wild nights together and then off he sailed into the sunset. Literally…the guy had a 35-foot sailboat, which I never did see 🙁

Anyway, after his mid-summer departure, I didn’t hear much from him for a few weeks – apparently, the cell phone reception wasn’t great where he was. I would send him a text every once in awhile, just to check in…but there would always be a good twenty-four hour delay before he responded.

In other words, not only was he not taking the initiative to contact me, when he did respond to my texts, he took his sweet time – which I chalked up to the poor reception.

Then he suggested that, since we weren’t going to see each other for a little while, perhaps we could ‘spice up’ our texts a little?

Or, I thought to myself, how about you pick up the bloody phone and call to see how I’m doing?

Nope. The next thing I know there’s a sext on my iPhone worthy of a Penthouse Forum letter. Correction: it would’ve been too crude for Penthouse to publish.

But his cell phone reception had miraculously improved!

Hmmm…how best to respond to said sext? Perhaps I best let that not-so-sleeping dog lie.

Sure enough, the next day I get another text from him, apologizing. So I let him have it – via text message – all the reasons why I found his behaviour inappropriate. It wasn’t just about the sext, I said. That was the icing on the cake. What bothered me most was that he obviously didn’t know me very well – and didn’t seem overly interested in doing so.

But what happened next was the clincher. He acknowledged my concerns, via text, and agreed we should talk about them – however tonight wasn’t a good time because he was a bit busy…relaxing in a hot tub.

I blinked my eyes and re-read his text. Surely I hadn’t read correctly the first time?

Yup, I had.

I threw back my head and laughed at his apparent stupidity. But at least he was honest in communicating his priorities – and I thanked my lucky stars that I learned, sooner rather than later, that he was not the guy for me. And when I stopped laughing long enough to take a good look in the mirror at my own behaviour, I realized that maybe, just maybe, I got exactly what I had been looking for.

Lesson learned…moving on 🙂

On further thought, re-reading Esther Kane’s outstanding book, Dump that Chump, might also be in order!

Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening and the upcoming book, Barrier Removed; A Tough Love Guide to Achieving Your Dreams. Maryanne is the CEO and Founder of Pink Gazelle Productions Inc. and the Board Chair of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. Maryanne lives on Vancouver Island, British Columbia. 

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12 thoughts on “It’s Not About the Sext”

  1. This also came in via e-mail:

    OMG I LOVE that!!! (and I want to accidentally push his head into the hot tub water!) what a goon.
    ID, Calgary, AB

  2. I’ve never sexted and likely never will but I found your experience with it quite amusing. I just had a situation with a business-related text where I inadvertently entered the wrong contact information for someone I sent a group text to. This made me realize how easily a text can get sent to the wrong person. After reading your blog, I can’t imagine how embarrassed I’d be if a sext ended up being mistakenly sent to someone else! I think I’ll stick to face-to-face interactions where my personal life is concerned 🙂

  3. Oh Momma!
    Where did you find this bad fish? Seriously sounds like some old guy that thinks the world has changed to his poorly saturated ego. Getting a light “sext” isn’t the worst thing, however this one sounded beyond a simple slap on the caboose! Let this one sail!

  4. Here’s another comment:

    Oh, dude…I laughed, I cringed, I felt your pain! At least there was some good sex in the mix 🙂 It’s all too much for me, I’m afraid…happy to live vicariously through all my fabulous girlfriends. Here’s another one of my gals and her take on dating in our 40s

    AC, Vancouver, BC

  5. This great bit of feedback just came in via e-mail:

    Oh man, I had to read the Sexting post! How comforting that late 50s men behave like teenagers. You deserve waaay better lady! 🙂
    SH, Calgary, AB

  6. This comment just came in through e-mail:

    Loved it! That is SO the unfortunate reality of men these days. Who knew they aren’t at a higher maturity or intellect level than their hormone ranging teenage sons?

    Thank goodness I don’t have to date anymore!
    LJ, Calgary, AB

  7. This just came in via e-mail:

    Hilarious Post! Though my curiosity wanted to see the text that made you call it quits 😉
    NC, Vancouver, BC

  8. This great comment just came in through e-mail:

    Wow, Maryanne, I really enjoyed reading your blog…It’s not about the Sext. Clever hook line too!

    I can so relate to your story, and I’m sure lots of women have been there too. I tell you sometimes these life lessons are hard to take! These guys have no idea how lucky they are to even encounter women like us. They only touch on the tip of the iceberg of how amazing we really are!

    We are well rid of them!

    Onwards and upwards…
    NA, Victoria, BC

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