The Comparison Game
You Win When You Play the Hand You Are Dealt
“In life, you’re not playing against anyone. You’re playing with them. Someone will always have better cards than yours.”
– Mel Robbins, The Let Them Theory
Do you get a little miffed when you see someone else succeeding at something you are trying to do?
If so, welcome to being human 😊
But it doesn’t have to be that way. In fact, learning from another person’s success can fast-track our own.
“You can’t control another person’s success, luck, or timing in life,” writes author Mel Robbins, in her book, The Let Them Theory. “The only thing you can control is what you do with the example other people set and the actions you take next.”
Unfortunately, it tends to be human nature to view other people’s success (or good looks or inherited wealth or whatever else someone has that you wish you did) as something to envy. But not only is this ridiculous, it is also counter-productive.
“When you see other people’s lives as evidence that you’re a failure, or you’re unattractive, or not good enough,” says Robbins, “you become your biggest obstacle.”
“When you focus on how unfair life seems and compare yourself to others, you’re draining your motivation and keeping yourself from moving forward,” says the author. “It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are failing because of your chronic habit of comparing yourself.”
But the reality is…
“You are the problem,” says Robbins. “And the first step is accepting the truth: Life isn’t fair.”
No, it isn’t. We all know that.
“Every human being is dealt a different hand in life and you can’t control the cards that someone else is holding,” says Robbins. “The more time you spend staring at someone else, the more you miss the entire point of the game. In life, you’re not playing against anyone. You’re playing with them. Someone will always have better cards than yours.”
“And while you’ve been busy comparing yourself to everyone else,” says Robbins, “you’ve missed one of the greatest secrets in life: Other people teach you how to be a better player, and that’s how you win.”
I love that nugget of truth so much, I am going to paraphrase it: observing other people succeed at something can teach us how to play our game better.
“You can figure out how to win,” says Robbins. “You can learn how to work with what you’ve got and start where you are and create anything you want in life.”
“Any world-class card player will tell you, it’s not about the hand you’ve been dealt. It’s about how you play the hand. Winning the game of life requires you to focus on the cards you have and choosing what to do with them.”
– Mel Robbins, The Let Them Theory
“Comparing yourself to other people is unavoidable. It is human nature to look around and see what everyone else is doing and how you measure up,” says Robbins. “The problem isn’t the tendency to compare. The problem is what you’re doing with the comparison that matters.”
“So ask yourself,” she says, “What are you doing when you compare? Are you torturing yourself, or is it teaching you something important? There are two different types of comparison that people engage in: torture or teacher.”
Wise words indeed.
Personally, I am trying very hard to choose to view people who have and/or are succeeding in my chosen field/s as teachers. I don’t want to play the envy game anymore…if for no other reason than because it does absolutely nothing to help me improve my own game. And that’s what I’m here to do.
How about you?
Have you sometimes found yourself wishing you had what someone else does? Do you view comparison more as a teacher or torture?
Maryanne Pope is the author of “A Widow’s Awakening.” She also writes screenplays, playscripts & blogs. Maryanne is the CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions and Co-Founder of the John Petropoulos Memorial Fund. To receive her blog, “Weekly Words of Wisdom,” please subscribe here. And be sure to visit our PinkGazelleCards Etsy shop.