What Might We Be Stuffing Down This Season?

Ah…the season of comfort food is upon us again. Turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, Christmas pudding, baked brie with cranberries, shortbread cookies, chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate…mmmm, can’t wait!

But wait.

Could there be more to our passionate love affair with comfort food than mere tradition this time of year?

“We’re often trying to make ourselves feel better through whatever it is we are stuffing into our mouth. For women in particular we are often stuffing our emotions down with comfort food…and the most common emotions I find, in my practice with women, are anger, anxiety and sadness.” – Esther Kane, MSW

I heard Esther, a good friend of mine, as well as a therapist who specializes in working with women with eating disorders, on the radio the other day. She was speaking about the food-mood connection. Wow! Have a listen:

Esther Kane Kool FM Radio Clip Nov 18

But when we eat, er, rather large quantities of comfort food in the attempt to “stuff down” emotions we don’t want to feel, the long term result can be weight gain or an eating disorder…and yet the emotions themselves are likely still there, waiting to be felt.

In my experience, unprocessed hurt doesn’t just go away.

Here’s a bit of a comical clip from the audio version of A Widow’s Awakening:

AWA audio clip #2 goldfish

For what is grief but a perfect encapsulation of the three emotions that drive people to eat for comfort:

1. Anger over losing a loved one

2. Anxiety over our new forced-upon-us life without our loved one…as well as possible concern over where their souls might be now

3. Sadness over missing someone we loved very much, while learning to accept that a significant chapter of our lives has ended

But what I’ve since come to realize is that regardless of what our past year has held, Christmas can be a very fickle time of year. For if our Christmas doesn’t look like a Norman Rockwell painting – or some preconceived notion of how we thought our lives would look like – then that can really suck! Or, maybe our Christmas does look like a Norman Rockwell to everyone else…but the reality is anything but happy.

Let’s face it: as delicious as Christmas can be, it also tends to be the time of year when all that is not in one’s life comes bubbling to the surface.

Personally, I’m down a beloved dog this year, there’s still no flippin’ guy in my life, I don’t have a child to watch opening their stocking come Christmas morning…but you know what, I do still have one beautiful dog, I have a mom to watch opening her Christmas stocking (which is perhaps equally as entertaining as a kid, just slower), I’ve got my health, lots of wonderful friends and family, a cozy home and food in the fridge…and lots of great kids in my life!

Which brings us back to the topic of comfort food: I love my food – at Christmas and all the year through. But in the weeks ahead, I shall try and take Esther’s advice and eat my favourite dishes and decadent treats in moderation.

Another sage piece of advice I will likely call upon this Christmas is from Mitch Albom’s book, Tuesday’s with Morrie. In it, Morrie, who is dying of ALS, suggests that when we feel like crying, we do so…let the sorrow come to the surface, feel it, honour it and then let it go.

We have 2 copies 1 more copy of Esther’s book, It’s Not About the Food; A Woman’s Guide to Making Peace with Food and Our Bodies, to give away! If you’d like to win it, please e-mail us and we’ll put the first 5 names in a draw. Be sure to write your favourite Christmas food in the subject line and if you also want to let us know what you might be stuffing down this holiday season we’d love to hear!

In the meantime, here are some more clips from Esther’s radio interviews on Kool FM with excellent info on why we eat what we do, body-image and self-esteem, young women and eating disorders, and why diets don’t work for women of any age:

Esther Kane Nov 18 #2

Esther Kane Nov 24 #1

Esther Kane Nov 24 #2

Maryanne Pope is the author of A Widow’s Awakening and the CEO of Pink Gazelle Productions Inc. The audio version of A Widow’s Awakening will be released in early 2012. Esther Kane is a psychotherapist who specializes in working with women with eating disorders. Please visit www.estherkane.com for details.